I received this in the mail after call from Ford regarding a parking fine I received while driving a test vehicle in JUNE 2009.

Things I am not going to pay.

Now, I know the car park in question. It is the park for the Woolworths. I am in no doubt that I parked there, HOWEVER I also know their retarded way of managing the parking there. You MUST get a ticket no matter what- and you don’t have to pay for less than an hour (or thereabouts). When we park there, we do this everytime.

Now, in the event that we didn’t get a ticket from the dispenser, then I would have ruefully collected the “fine” and paid it as I was in a test car and, like speeding fines, it is bloody embarrassing having the car company contacting you to inform you of the fine. As a professional car reviewer/journalist my reputation and brand are all important; there’s no way I would not pay the $88 as issued.

So there are three scenarios possible here:

1. I did not get a car parking ticket and they issued me with a fine- not on the spot, but rather via the arse about take-the-rego-pass-it-on way they seem to have done it. So when I returned to the car, there was no fine at all.
2. I did not get a ticket and they issued me with a fine that I then threw in the bin as I don’t give the remotest crap about my reputation.
3. I did everything right, they issued me with a dishonest and dodgy fine as a revenue raiser because they have a history of doing such things?

Add in that it has taken them “only” 10 months to get back to me, well I have no choice but to file this under things I will never, ever pay and they can totally get stuffed. I love the fact they threaten me with a collections agency- collecting a monetary amount for a breach of contract NOT an actual fine.

As this is a civil matter, the balance of probabilities applies- and they are probably as dodgy as all hell.

If you have been “fined” by these dodgy arseholes, try this fact sheet and this advice from consumer affairs. In the meantime I will be ignoring the notice, but emailing Consumer Affairs and Woolworths.

RACHEL AND I ARE HAVING TRIPLETS. A follow up scan showed the other two babies were obscured.

I AM RUNNING AWAY. Rachel is talking about buying a Honda Odyssey and moving to a bigger house- in the country.

(Happy birthday Jake)

UPDATE: While it is Jake’s birthday, the rest of this post is but an April’s fools day prank.